Category Archives: DENVER CROSS DRESSERS

END OF LIFE & SHADOW WORK

People have been emailing me requesting resources surrounding wills and/or advanced directives for end of life care. I have included links to both at the end of this post. Here is a link to the support line I created. I have also lowered the rate in order to increase availability for those who need it: https://kinkencounters.com/corona-virus-support-line/

Some of you may think this is a little grim, but I consider death to be a part of life. I consider death to be one of the ultimate truths, just like sex.

Someone once told me, “You have the ability to bring my shadow to light.”

Death work is shadow work. Sex work can be shadow work as well.

I am honored to be someone who is capable of holding space for the realities of life, sex, and death – someone who is brave enough to open to the truth. I trust that you have that bravery inside of you at well.

“If you think that at the time of your death you will have the strength to do the work of a lifetime, you will be sorrily mistaken. I find that when I keep death close at hand….I say I love you more often. I take myself a little less seriously and learn to not hold opinions so tightly. Maybe we let go a little more easily. Curiously, I find we become a bit kinder to each other.”- Frank Ostaseki, The Five Invitations

Links:

WILL: https://eforms.com/wills/?fbclid=IwAR2r8eUHzFmLpTI_a6ZrRVOXC6kkuZfSaJxK07ts62dDIXhO2OuGMJVbUE4

ADVANCED DIRECTIVE: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/free-printable-advance-directives/?fbclid=IwAR0NnLeZB92E3j25A_oiwUvQIw-fCRqKlp2bRF8dXz90sE6_1gQskoi40Mg

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DENVER DOMINATRIX POOL PARTY!

I had the most wonderful time with my slut today. We celebrated her birthday, and I dressed her up like my perfect little fuck doll. For her birthday I got her a few things, but the most important thing that I got her was a swimsuit because she had never had a pool party as her new self, Cici.

It fit!

Cici has been emerging over the past years in and out of our sessions. It is been quite an honor to watch the transformation of gender and sexuality with someone I now call a close friend.

I love making people feel special, but more than anything I love to help others express themselves. It touches a special place in my heart to help others liberate themselves and find freedom in whichever way they desire. Of course, liberation does not have to include gender play, but in this case it did.

I made sure everything was perfect by decorating the dungeon, having snacks, drinks, and of course, a cake.

The earlier part of the afternoon was spent in the pool before we transitioned into the cool red light of the dungeon. Cici has learned, overtime, how to be a good girl and how to please this Denver Dominatrix.

Let’s just say that I’m sure all of her birthday wishes – and mine – were answered. Thank you for the amazing day, Cici.

Denver Dominatrix, ProDomme Denver, Denver Mistress, Femme Domme Denver
Denver Dominatrix, ProDomme Denver, Denver Mistress, Femme Domme Denver
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FAN PAGE

Per your requests, it has finally happened!

Subscribe to my fan page where I post a ton of kinky shit (shit = photos & videos – & occasionally actual shit).

Really, though, it’s a behind the scenes platform of personal expression where you get to know me on a deeper level. I’m open to requests for custom content. You know me, the weirder the better. https://onlyfans.com/missddenver

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YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR SLAVE

Being a Dominatrix comes with great responsibility. Creating a sacred sexual space comes with ethical obligations.

Occasionally, like everyone, I have bad days. When I share this with others I am often told, “You can take it out on your slave.”

To put it simply, there is NO WAY that I – or anyone else – should ever take a bad day out on a slave – with one exception.

The exception is to obtain consent so that both parties are clear on the intention of play.

My background in psychotherapy and my knowledge of countertransference guide my ethical compass. I also am well-informed on emotional entanglement vs. healthy relationships.

Even if I mask what is going on, my slave/bottom/sub will feel it on an energetic level. To think of other providers who use others to meet their needs for emotional enmeshment or codependency is of great concern to me. In that situation, no one gets better.

I am not saying that I put my emotional needs to the side forever. If I am upset and have a booking, I simply reassure myself that I will revisit the issue once the session has finished. This helps me be present for myself and for my submissive while we play.

I am always available to consult with other providers to help them find ways to be most effective when holding space. If you are a slave and you are concerned about the way your Mistress takes things out on you, book a consult and we can discuss ways for you to navigate the situation. https://kinkencounters.com/online-bdsm-sessions-distance-dominance/

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WHAT IS PROFESSIONAL BDSM?

What is Professional BDSM?

            Professional BDSM is a multi-faceted, ritualistic practice that occurs between consenting adults who wish to act out sexual or non-sexual fantasies that pertain specifically to the exchange of power and trust. BDSM sessions, also called scenes, can include physiological and psychological stimulation, role-play scenarios, costumes, make-believe, and objects that have certain meanings attached to them – otherwise known as fetish objects. All scenes involve a dominant and a submissive, also referred to as a top and a bottom, respectively, and usually involve two people, although scenes with multiple people can also occur. Professional scenes can last anywhere from one hour to multiples of hours or days and include negotiations beforehand to discuss boundaries, limits, safe words, and desires. Sessions should – but do not always – include aftercare. Aftercare is the intentional allotted time that occurs after the scene in order for the dominant to offer comfort, a space to process, and communication to the submissive. Many players consider aftercare to be the most important part of a scene. Most importantly, BDSM scenes are conducted in an environment in which players can allow any emotion to surface without feeling judged or shamed by the external constructs of mainstream society. 

            There are many different styles of BDSM. The type of play is dependent upon the emotional and physiological awareness of the dominant, his or her expertise, as well as the intentions set for the session – if any have been set at all. There are many practitioners who cater more to physical sensations in a session as opposed to psychological; there are practitioners who focus only on the psychological. My ideal style of play is a holistic approach that incorporates both physiological and psychological stimulation. For me, the exchange of trust and emotional intimacy are paramount. I prefer to use my sessions as safe spaces where people can build relationships, learn to express needs, explore their bodies and minds, learn about shame, and allow fears to exist without fighting, running, or freezing. Fighting, running, or freezing are also responses to trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and it is no mystery to practitioners in the community that BDSM can be used to help people work through PTSD. 

            Sensation play and sensory deprivation are huge components of BDSM. Some examples of tools that can be used for sensation play are crops, floggers, whips, clothespins, paddles, and neurological tools, such as the infamous Wartenburg wheel – a metal pinwheel with sharp points that spin on an axle, or the violet wand – a handheld device that administers static electricity to skin. Some examples of tools that are used for sensory deprivation are ropes, blindfolds, gags, earplugs, cages, and hoods. Sensation and sensory deprivation have functions in play, and either or both give the dominant more ability control what type of experience the submissive may have. 

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MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. I’ve always been a very sensitive being, and I see great strength in sensitivity. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with submissives when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I never engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. I’m all about CFNM (clothed female, nude male). It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more counterintuitive to the reason we play. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy.

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so?

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THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Submission is a gift. Submission is not something that Dommes are entitled to, and it is not something to be taken with force (unless of course there has been negotiation in regards to a role-play beforehand).

So, why is submission a gift? Continue reading THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION

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THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

I was perusing my old videos (I like to make a lot of movies…with consent of course) – and I stumbled across a clip that made me want to write a post on the art of role-playing. Continue reading THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

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WINTER BREAK

Hello kinky people! It’s your favorite Dominatrix informing you of my winter break that will occur from December 21 through January 2. Continue reading WINTER BREAK

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DENVER DOMINATRIX BIRTHDAY WISH

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My birthday is in June and I am planning Continue reading DENVER DOMINATRIX BIRTHDAY WISH

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