Category Archives: ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING DENVER

WORLD’S BEST MISTRESS IS BACK!

I sincerely hope this finds you safe and healthy during these fucked up times.

“You can do it like it’s a great weight, or you can do it like it’s part of the dance.” – Ram Dass

As many of you know, at the start of the pandemic I shifted my focus from BDSM and fetishes to online grief and mental health coaching for those in transition. The experience proved to be a very good way by which to stay connected while being open to the drastic and radical shifts that were, and still are, occurring. I had no idea of the necessary and demanding position I would find myself in due to all the change. I’m thankful to have been able to give and receive.

I was lucky to be able to continue to work in some capacity by doing either phone or video sessions for individuals and couples. I found the interactions to be stimulating and fresh, they kept me on my toes, and kept my mind sharp. In fact, knowing the power I have just by using my voice is a huge turn on! You wouldn’t believe some of the things people have done for me. Conducting sessions virtually requires a very advanced ability to communicate and also the ability to “think in pictures.” You can thank my autism for the latter and my passion for the former.

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2020

Also, at the start of the pandemic I relocated to a new space. It was stressful to move during times like these, but things have finally settled down. I even have the dungeon set up for that special first day, whenever that will be. I thank all of you who assisted with the move in some capacity, even if it was just to check in on me.

One of the most challenging aspects of the last five months was the amount of death and loss I have experienced. There have been a total of five deaths so far, and three of them were people with whom I had significant and impactful histories. Needless to say, taking a break from all sessions to grieve was a choice I gladly made for my mental health. These times have reinforced my belief in appreciating the moments, the power of presence, and true connections. I’m thankful we have kept in touch.

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Now, some sense of normalcy has been restored for the time being. I am back in school, and I love it! I am holding sessions of all types, and have been enjoying working with couples in particular. It seems that many people have decided to spice up their sex life as a result of the pandemic, and that liberation brings me great joy. Of course, I wish I could physically go to class and play with others, but for now, this is an excellent option. I can’t imagine what we would do without the technology that did and does carry many of us through.

I have updated each page of my website to reflect the changes that have occurred, and my rates have been adjusted to remain fair and competitive within the industry! XOXOXOXO

YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR SLAVE

Being a Dominatrix comes with great responsibility. Creating a sacred sexual space comes with ethical obligations.

Occasionally, like everyone, I have bad days. When I share this with others I am often told, “You can take it out on your slave.”

To put it simply, there is NO WAY that I – or anyone else – should ever take a bad day out on a slave – with one exception.

The exception is to obtain consent so that both parties are clear on the intention of play.

My background in psychotherapy and my knowledge of countertransference guide my ethical compass. I also am well-informed on emotional entanglement vs. healthy relationships.

Even if I mask what is going on, my slave/bottom/sub will feel it on an energetic level. To think of other providers who use others to meet their needs for emotional enmeshment or codependency is of great concern to me. In that situation, no one gets better.

I am not saying that I put my emotional needs to the side forever. If I am upset and have a booking, I simply reassure myself that I will revisit the issue once the session has finished. This helps me be present for myself and for my submissive while we play.

I am always available to consult with other providers to help them find ways to be most effective when holding space. If you are a slave and you are concerned about the way your Mistress takes things out on you, book a consult and we can discuss ways for you to navigate the situation. https://kinkencounters.com/online-bdsm-sessions-distance-dominance/

MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. I’ve always been a very sensitive being, and I see great strength in sensitivity. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with submissives when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I never engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. I’m all about CFNM (clothed female, nude male). It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more counterintuitive to the reason we play. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy.

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so?

ASK A DOMINATRIX

I’m going to be doing a video series where you can ask me any questions you like. Here is a link that will take you to guidelines and instructions. If you would prefer not to leave a comment on youtube, just send me an email. I will select a few questions and answer them in video format.

 

SEX & DESIRE – PART I

Today I am going to write about sex and desire and how it pertains to relationships, control, and self-esteem. Let me start by clarifying my definition of sex. To me, sex is: Continue reading SEX & DESIRE – PART I

THANK YOU FROM YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX

This Denver Dominatrix wants to offer a humble and heartfelt thank you to all of you who helped make my birthday wish come true. I could not have done it without you, and through your donations, I was able to contribute Continue reading THANK YOU FROM YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX