Why Do People Have a Problem Paying for BDSM or other sexual services?

Let’s be honest—sexism and a sex-fearing culture are at the root of why so many people have a problem paying for BDSM or sex work. But the people who refuse to pay? They’re not just hypocrites. They’re blind to the reality of what they’re actually asking for.

You’ll spend $200 on a forgettable night out—bad food, overpriced drinks, and a hangover—but the idea of paying a woman who’s offering you a carefully curated, safe, and transformative experience? Suddenly, your wallet goes missing.

That’s not just cheap. That’s shortsighted.

The Double Standard is Laughable

“Why should I pay for something I can get for free?”

Free where?

Are you getting free trust from a random hookup?
Is free emotional safety part of that quick Tinder match?
Is free expertise coming from someone who doesn’t know the difference between domination and coercion?

Do you actually think your wife gives it you for free?

Spoiler alert: You’re not getting any of that for free. What you’re getting is mediocrity, awkwardness, and a lack of emotional safety. But sure, keep telling yourself you’re saving money.

“It’s just sex. Why pay for it?”

And a fast-food burger is “just food,” but you’re still willing to pay for a five-star dining experience. Why? Because quality matters.

A dominatrix isn’t offering “just sex.” She’s offering:

• Expertise in power, intimacy, and trust
• Precision in navigating boundaries and desires.
• Emotional labor that creates a space where you can explore vulnerability without judgment. And you will. Trust me, you might cry.

If you can’t see the difference between fumbling through a random encounter and experiencing something designed specifically for your desires, you’re missing the point.

You’re Already Paying—You Just Don’t Realize It

Here’s the thing—you’re already paying for sex.

• Porn? You’re paying with your time, data, and emotional investment.
• OnlyFans? You’re tipping and subscribing to maintain a fantasy.
• Buying drinks all night hoping for a hookup? You’re investing time and money with no guaranteed return.

But when it comes to paying a professional who actually knows how to deliver what you’re craving? Suddenly, you’re too broke.

You’re not saving money. You’re just denying yourself the experience you actually want.

A Sex-Fearing Culture Profits Off Desire—But Shames Women Who Do the Same

We live in a culture where sex sells everything—except when women sell it for themselves.

• Half-naked models are used to sell burgers.
• Sultry voices advertise cologne.
• Bare skin is plastered across magazine covers to sell products.

Sex is everywhere—until a woman profits from her own sexuality.

The moment a woman chooses to monetize her erotic expertise, the narrative flips. Suddenly, it’s “immoral.” Suddenly, it’s “wrong.”

That’s not about ethics. That’s about control.

When a woman profits from her own body, her own desires, and her own labor, she controls the narrative. And that terrifies a culture built on keeping women dependent and powerless.

You Want the Fantasy—But You Don’t Want to Pay

That’s not just cheap—it’s disrespectful.

Afraid of a Woman in Control? That’s the Real Issue

Let’s not pretend this isn’t about power.

Paying a dominatrix means admitting that:

• She’s in control.
• She’s the expert.
• You need her guidance.

For some, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Paying a woman who commands authority forces you to confront your own vulnerability—and that’s uncomfortable for men who have been taught they should always be in control.

But here’s the truth: Vulnerability is where real growth happens. And if you’re too afraid to invest in that, you’re not ready for what BDSM or sex work has to offer.

If you can’t handle that truth, maybe you’re not ready for what I have to offer. And that’s fine. But don’t waste my time pretending otherwise.