For Professional Dominatrices, boundaries are an integral part of maintaining integrity while maintaining our careers. Sure, as Pro Dommes, we work for ourselves and are not regulated by official agencies (other than the law enforcement agency that prohibits us from engaging in prostitution), but that doesn’t mean that the client-provider relationship should look as close as the relationships we have with our closest friends and family.
So, why is it important for us to maintain these boundaries and refuse the constant offers for dinner dates, travel opportunities, lunches, and endless phone conversations free of charge – even “just as friends”?Let’s face it, the majority of our clients come to us to fill some sort of void or to meet a need. Those needs can be erotic, fantasy-based, intimate, sexual, emotional, physical, etc.
I find it most crucial to maintain boundaries when the client is coming to me for his/her emotional needs to be met. From my own personal experience, those are the clients that will take a mile when given an inch. Soon, an acceptance to lunch turns into requests for lunches every week and phone calls or texts on constant occasion. Eventually, the lines between provider and client/friend become so blurred that not only is respect lost in a Dominant/submissive sense, but the client no longer wants to book because he/she is getting what he/she needs free of charge. In that instance, we now have a ton of friends and no income.
What a lot of subs don’t understand is that while we care deeply for them and always have their best interests in mind, we also have personal lives that include friends, family, and “vanilla” actives like working out, alone time, cooking, reading, etc. Just because some of us may love our work, doesn’t mean we want to make it our life.
Separation and compartmentalization are crucial for the successful careers of sex workers. Pro-Dommes work in the field of “fantasy creation,” and while some claim to be 24/7 lifestyle Dommes, there is still a fair amount of “getting into character” that occurs when preparing for a session. I’ve dated Pro Dommes, and was surprised to find that most of them simply wanted more balance in their lives and didn’t want to actually be in control all the time. It’s not a far reach to say that one of the reasons we can relate to our clients is because we can identify with them in regards to always being in control. We know what they need because perhaps we need “it” sometimes ourselves.
That being said, in order for us to be effective BDSM/Fetish Providers, it is important for us to maintain those boundaries that will prevent us from being taken advantage of by clients who can be very needy. Are there any clients with whom I choose to spend my free time? Yes. Have I travelled out of state or country with any of my subs? Yes. Have I done those activities or maintained those relationships without some sort of professional relationship at the same time? No. Are there clients with whom I will keep in touch with even after my career as a Pro-Domme ends? Yes. Every situation is unique, and I personally am extremely cautious with whom I let into my world. Why? Because while I enjoy the deep and meaningful exchanges that occur in BDSM play, being a Professional Dominatrix takes a hell of a lot of energy and skill. So, in order for me to be the best at what I do, I have to put MY needs first. That is what makes me an effective BDSM/Fetish specialist. The only way for my needs and the needs of my clients to be met is to maintain those boundaries in and out of play. The mutual exchange of energy and respect is – after all – what this is all about.