First, it is important to understand that every session is approached differently. The level of therapeutic depth one can achieve is on a spectrum, with lighthearted fun and simple pleasure resting at one end, and the vastness of the shadow waiting at the other. There are no expectations of a session to be anything other than what arises. Unless we have discussed a desired destination, things will unfold in organic perfection.
Second, it is even more important to hire a professional who understands how to work with you on the spectrum of the psyche. The energetical states and psychological experiences will happen either way. Wouldn’t you want someone who can alchemically play with these states when they occur? I would suggest looking for someone who is proficient in this sort of somatic integration, who can also respect the benefit of play for play. Together, we will create space for real exploration – where everything is welcomed and nothing is pushed away…
He told me he’d been wanting to see me for years. However, it just wasn’t the right moment. Neither him nor I felt the urge to analyze the timing. Instead, we rested in the [un]certainty of our shared belief system: that everything happens when and how it should; That are no accidents.
Negotiation is the ethical foundation of the exchange of trust when we play. Sessions are about connection, intuition, and meaning-making by means of meeting someone where they are. He mentioned that he had seen a few other professional dominatrices in Denver before, but there was still something missing.
“It was about the method,” he said. “Too much so.”
That stood out to me. I’ve heard similar things from others—how technique can be fine, but if the energy isn’t right, if the giver isn’t fully present and “checking their own shit,” something will feel off and you might not even know why.
Laughter, Screams, and Tears: What Happens When You are Seen
It started with gleeful giggling. He was full of it. Drunk on dopamine and release through laughter. Yet, as we went deeper, something shifted. The laughter gave way to something raw. He screamed – not from pain, but from catharsis. Then, the tears came. They weren’t tears of sadness. They were something else.
There is a feeling that occurs when we are finally able to stand naked in front of someone without receiving criticism or judgement. That feeling comes about as a result of honoring our truth in front of a compassionate witness. It is a feeling unsurpassed by any other and stems from unconditional acceptance. It works as a tether to help us explore freedom in the face of the unknown.
Integrating This Work into His Healing
He saw the session as more than just an experience – it was a piece of something bigger. He talked about how he wanted to keep exploring this part of himself, not just for the physical release, but as a way to reconnect with the parts of himself he had long forgotten.
To Be Continued…
