A response to a relative:

Thank you for your apology.

You know, I sat on our conversation for the entire evening, and read your email and sat on that for a while as well. I’m going to be completely honest with you. Our conversation did really upset me.

Honestly, I don’t even consider myself a lesbian. I consider myself to be pansexual – that is seeing people for who they are and not letting either a mass of skin between their legs – or lack thereof – determine MY ability to love them. I have the ability to see past gender, and sexual preference.
It surprised me when you asked, “Well, have you ever really been discriminated against for being gay?” I cannot count the number of times in the past year that I have “been out” that I have felt discriminated against, been verbally attacked, or received odd looks simply for being in public with the person I love. Can you, for one second, imagine how it might feel if you and your husband were walking down the street and someone slung a derogatory term at you? People are victims of hate crimes everyday simply because they choose to love someone with the same parts as theirs, gay and lesbian teens are THREE times as likely to commit suicide, and family members do disown their children for their homosexuality. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are many people who support human, civil, and equal rights, but the fact that there is still a civil rights movement taking place as we speak, is simply that: a fact.
In regards to my job, I couldn’t help but feel judged by your conceptualization of my profession that basically dumbed me down to being a “prostitute” and someone that “sells my body.” If you think I simply stand in front of my clients for $250 an hour and say, “look at me, I’m so pretty, give me your money,” well I will be the first to say that that assumption is not exactly accurate. You might be surprised to know that some of my clients don’t even care about the potential sexual nature of my work. If you were to ask ME what I sell, I would say:

An extreme amount of skill, therapy, safety, trade, eroticism, fantasy, illusion, a performance, escape, ritualism, exchange of power, psychological dominance, psychological connection, and emotional intimacy (people have actually cried in my sessions, as have I, due to the intense psychological and cathartic nature of some scenes) BDSM can be extremely effective in aiding with the release of guilt and shame due to sexual trauma and trauma that is NOT sexual in nature.

I also consider myself a public informer and advocate of safe sex. I cannot tell you how many times I have informed men of the dangers of unprotected oral sex. Most of these men have been married and when they inquire about oral sex, a service that is not and has never been available, I say, “no, and this is why…” I also inform them that they may want to get tested because they don’t want their actions to be a result of their loved one contracting an STI. Not only do I tell them to get tested, but I tell them to have the clinician swab the back of their throat – something that is NOT in common practice.I even have a link on my website that discusses this topic. Feel free to check it out.

So, considering the fact that I do all of these things I have listed above (and more), and the fact that I have owned my own business for the past 5 years, built my own website, am entirely self taught, extremely well-educated, and maintain boundaries and safety in my sessions that I am comfortable with, to be labelled as simply a “prostitute” was extremely offensive and condescending.

Did you know that my work is not illegal in the state of Colorado? Yep, that’s right, I’m also a law abiding, tax paying citizen.
When you said, ” I just want better for you,” I heard, “I don’t trust you to know what is best for you.” Perhaps you should ask yourself how well you really do know me, because after our conversation yesterday, which was the longest conversation we have had in at least a year, I realize that your view of me is quite different than the reality.

You know, not once in my life have I felt so judgmental and self-righteous as when I was a zealous Christian that felt I was “saved,” abstained from sex, and felt like it was my duty to be “the way, the truth and the light.”
After being part of an organized religion based in fear, and a religion that takes its text and applies it to modern society instead of the context of the time in which it was written, I decided to become someone who thinks for myself, forms MY OWN morals and judgments, and simply someone who treats people as I would like to be treated. When our family found out that I had been practicing Buddhism for quite sometime, the reaction was predominantly, “Well I never knew that! She never said anything about it.” That’s because we don’t PREACH our way as being “the end all be all truth.” We preach tolerance, compassion, and love. Acceptance, peace, empathy, and forgiveness. We also don’t feel the need to externalize to feel whole. If others do, then that is fine! Why would we care? It doesn’t hurt us!
At first it was difficult to not feel shame and guilt as a result of our conversation, but then I reminded myself that I was no longer living by the value system of the sex-fearing, god-loving people who would like to see me change and conform to THEIR value systems. I remembered the people who don’t question my judgments because they have faith in my ability and my internal locus of control. I remembered my support network, and the many people within the homosexual community who I call “family,” and the people from whom I have experienced unconditional love – a love free of judgment, bigotry, and hate. Those are the things that make ME feel whole, and those are the things that I will fiercely cling to: compassion, love, and kindness.
I hope this letter has provided some insight. I have no ill feelings toward you, and I place no judgments on you for your choices or beliefs.
If you feel the need to communicate further, either in person or through email, I am always open to listening.