CAUTION, DO NOT REMOVE SCARS

There is nothing I hate more than pictures that have been touched-up. All the pics I have posted of myself are photoshop-free, and if anything they have only been lightened or have had minor color adjustments.

I received an email from the the photographer who did my most recent shoot. In it I found a couple of pics, obviously touched up, of me with the angel wings (like you see on my profile).

The thing I noticed first was that he removed the scar I have above my right ribcage. I immediately felt annoyed at the photographer, which I had already developed a distaste for due to his lack of professionalism and cocky attitude.
Yet, my annoyance grew into something larger. It grew into an abhorrence for american culture in general, for “perfection,” for manipulation, misrepresentation, and for the ideals placed on women to be “flawless.”

I love my scars. They are a part of me, my walk, and journey. Everything has a past. Me, I have a past with no regrets.

It’s almost as if we want to erase the fact that perceived “negative” things have happened to us… things that cause us pain…like scars. Heaven forbid we have unpleasant feelings like suffering, sadness, or anger!

Well, to that – and to that stupid photographer – I say, “Leave my SCARS, leave my UNEVEN BREASTS, leave MY WRINKLES, and leave ALL THE EVIDENCE that I have been here, on this earth as a human being!”

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FACING YOUR FEARS

I received  message from a sub I was supposed to see:

Hi Domme Danielle. I bought the stockings, lipstick, and I shaved last night. I couldn’t sleep and I want to throw up from nervousness. I am not ready to turn this into reality. I apologize… Again, I’m sorry.

So, I would like to address facing your fears as a sub in the BDSM/Fetish lifestyle. First, know that I have firsthand experience with the anxiety of allowing someone else to take control.

That being said, you should always know that even in BDSM scenes, the sub is always the one in control. Actions are always consensual and safe.

My job as the professional is to give you the safe space where we can explore those boundaries in a play-like setting, and it is also my job to create the illusion that I own your ass!  Do I push your limits? Yes. Should you be scared? Yes. Do I convince you completely that you have no control? Yes. While in the scene, I allow my entire heart to be poured out.  It’s more than acting. It’s being.

There is a relationship between fear and arousal. Is fear the only tool I use? Absolutely not.

It upset me that this person cancelled, BUT  the predominant emotion I felt was sadness. What was I sad about? To know that in this fear-based society there was another human being that succumbed to his fears. Do I understand? Completely. Do I know that this person would have had an amazing, cathartic experience? Without a doubt.

Alas, I am a patient woman. I know I will be hearing from him soon. Helping others achieve emotional breakthrough is what I LIVE for.

Oh, and that’s why I require a deposit from you little bitches!

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WHAT EVERY SUB SHOULD READ

I asked Krissy to do a write-up on what it means to be a slave. I feel that many people have a misconception about D/s relationships. Krissy is married and is also polyamorous. Krissy provides very good insight on D/s relationships. Here is what every sub should read:

denver dominatrix

Mistress below is my writing on What it means to serve a Mistress. I have had the opportunity to serve many different Dominant women and a few Dominant men starting at the age of 15.  I am currently married to a Dominant woman and am also in a relationship as a slave to an incredible Mistress.  I have learned many things in my 20 years as a submissive and hundreds of hours of service.  One of the main things I have learned is that most submissives by nature are very selfish. By nature I am no exception to this. This last summer at Thunder in the Mountains Laura Antoniou, author of the Marketplace series, summed it well by saying that she thought it was crazy that Dominants collected submissives.  She said submissives should collect Dominants. She went on to explain that submissives are the neediest people on earth and they never get enough. So her rationale is that one Dominant could never keep up with many subs as one sub is usually too much for one dominant.The knowledge and recognition in me knowing that selfishness is a core characteristic in most submissives, including myself, has allowed me to approach my service of my Mistress with a self awareness that I have not always had.  It has helped me realize that I, like most submissives, am inherently focused on getting my needs met first and foremost.  It is this awareness that allows me to ensure that my actions of service are not driven only or even mostly by getting my needs met. I believe it is important that ANY D/s or M/s relationship is mutually beneficial.  If both sub and Domme are not getting their needs met then the relationship will eventually fail.  There has to be a balance that allows for both in the relationship to be fulfilled.  I believe there are a few key elements to any D/s relationship. 1. A mutual desire and compatibility 2.  Open and honest communication 3. Trust 4. Pleasure from service
Having a mutual desire and being compatible has to be there first.  If the sub wants to be beat and fucked with a strap on daily but the Domme doesn’t like strap on play and only enjoys beatings every once in awhile then the relationship will not likely work because one of the two will always be feeling like they are compromising themselves by giving more then they are willing to or not getting their own needs met. Open and honest communication is important because this is the basis for both the Domme and the sub to be able to express what they need and how they are feeling.  It is both compatibility and open and honest communication that helps you build trust.  As a submissive I have to trust, not demand, that my Mistress will give me the things I need if I submit fully and serve her needs. The last one is getting to a place where you truly gain pleasure from service.  This one took me a long time to get to but I truly feel it and understand it now.  Pleasure from service is when you do something that you personally may never have wanted to do or chosen to do but you do it because it pleases your Mistress.  However it isn’t just that you did it but that you actually derived pleasure from pleasing your Mistress.  That alone is the reward.So then knowing that submissives are generally selfish and focused on getting their needs met what does it really mean to actually serve a Mistress?  Is it serving Your Mistress dinner dressed in panties or naked, worshipping her body as you give her a massage, getting bent over paddled and then violated by your Mistress?  Although these can be forms of service, to me what it really means to actually serve is to put your Mistresses needs and desires before your own.  When you want to do all of the aforementioned tasks because it is so exciting to do so but instead you help your Mistress clean out and organize her closet because it is truly helpful for her and makes her day or week a bit easier that to me is true service.  It is getting pleasure from service but also putting trust in your Mistress that if you do those things your needs will also be met because that is what she wants as well (assuming compatible wants/desires).If you find that give a lot and get little in return (whether you are the Dominant or the submissive) then it is likely that you are not a good match for each other in an ongoing D/s relationship. For an ongoing D/s relationship (not just the occasional play) to be successful the submissive has to be willing to put his/her needs second when asked or appropriate.  There should not be a sense of entitlement that the sub is owed something by the Domme.  If your relationship is mutually beneficial, and you are compatible both in interests and desires then both the Domme and the sub will get their needs met.
If the foundation is there it is the role of the sub to truly submit to their Mistress and put their own desires second to that of their Mistress.

Continue reading WHAT EVERY SUB SHOULD READ

WORDS MAKE ME HARD

Words Make Me Hard…

Yes, they do…

  • Agonophilia: person who is aroused by partner pretending to struggle
  • Agoraphilia: arousal from open spaces or having sex in public
  • Agrexophilia: arousal from others knowing you are having sex
  • Algophilia: arousal from experiencing pain
  • Altocalciphilia: high heel fetish
  • Amaurophilia: preference for a blind or blindfolded sex partner
  • Anasteemaphilia: attraction to taller or shorter partners
  • Basoexia: arousal from kissing
  • Belonephilia: arousal from use of needles
  • Biastophilia: those preferring to violently rape their victims
  • Capnolagnia: arousal from watching others smoke
  • Cratolagnia: arousal from strength of partner
  • Doraphilia: arousal from animal fur, leather, or skin
  • Electrophilia: arousal from electrical stimulus
  • Entomophilia: arousal from insects or using, them in sex play
  • Ephebophilia: attraction to adolescent sex partner
  • Erotophonophilia: lust murder
  • Gerontophilia: attraction to a partner whose age is that of different generation
  • Gynemimetophilia: person aroused by a male impersonating a female
  • Hedonophilia: sexual arousal from engaging in pleasurable activity
  • Hyperphilia: compulsive desire for sex
  • Hyphephilia: arousal from touching skin, hair, leather, fur or fabric
  • Klismaphilia: arousal from enemas
  • Moriaphilia: arousal from telling sexual jokes
  • Naphephilia: arousal from touching or being touched
  • Necrophilia: sex with corpses
  • Oculolinctus: licking partner’s eyeball
  • Oculophilia: eye fetish
  • Odaxelagnia: arousal from biting
  • Odontophilia: arousal from tooth extractions or tooth fetish
  • Ophidiophilia: arousal from snakes
  • Paraphilia: sexual arousal to unusual or socially unacceptable object or act
  • Phallophilia: large penis fetish or preference
  • Pictophilia: arousal from pictures, video or movies with a sexual subject
  • Proctotitillia: tickling anus
  • Psychrophilia: arousal from being cold or watching others freeze
  • Pygophilemania: arousal from kissing buttocks
  • Pygophilia: arousal from contact with buttocks
  • Pyrophilia: arousal from fire or of its use in sex play
  • Raptophilia: arousal only from raping a victim
  • Sarmassophilia: arousal from kneading flesh
  • Stigmatophilia: arousal from partner who is stigmatized (i.e., tattoos, piercings, scars)
  • Traumaphilia: arousal from wounds or trauma; automasochism
  • Tripsolagnophilia: arousal from massage
  • Urophilia: arousal from urine

SLUT KRISSY’S CHRISTMAS

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Slave Krissy’s first assignment was to not orgasm until she got to Christmas dinner with her family. I then told Krissy she could masturbate BUT while the entire family was in the house. She then was instructed to write about her experience:

Christmas Assignment write up

I have to say that this was the kinkiest family Christmas I have had Mistress.  I was of course so worked up after not coming for so long.

We hosted Christmas here at our house and we had my grandma, my mom, my sister, her boyfriend, their 3 kids, and our kids.  Our house was pretty full.  After we ate I excused myself upstairs for just a few minutes to put a butt plug in(in the pic attached).  It took me awhile to get the plug in and I felt filled up once it was in.

I came downstairs and we opened Christmas presents.  No one knew but the entire time my ass was stuffed like the little whore I am.  Once we finished with presents I once again went up to my bedroom to finish my task.  I was going crazy at this point knowing I was going to get to cum.  The house was so noisy at this point.  The kids were running around and all the adults were playing a board game.  I felt embarrassed to be upstairs getting ready to rub my little clitty for my Mistress but I was so excited and horny that I was dripping at this point.

Ever since I saw the pic of You fisting someone on your fetlife.com profile I have been watching porn with girls getting huge things put in their asses and porn where gaping is the theme.  So I decided to use our biggest dildo in my pussy.  I stripped down naked and took the plug out.  Given that it is metal it was almost hot from being inside of me. I then put on a pair of new pink panties I have from Victoria’s Secret.

I mounted the dildo by the suction cup to the chest at the foot of our bed.  I lubed it up well.  I set up a porno to watch on my computer where girls were hogtied and being fucked in the ass with big toys.  Then I pulled my panties down so that my ass was exposed.  I started touching my little clit and tried to lower myself onto the dildo.  It is so huge Mistress that it took me a long time to finally get it in. When I would get it in I could only stay on it for a few seconds.  After some time I was finally able to get it all the way in.  I sat all the way down onto it and could not believe how full it made my ass feel.  I had to rub my clitty to keep it from hurting.  I bounced up and down on it a few times while rubbing my little clitty and then I could not take it any longer.  My little clitty squirted all over the towel I had set up below me.  It felt so incredible Mistress.

I thought of You and how amazing you are to me Mistress. I had to slowly raise myself up off the huge dildo.  I took some time to clean up and put everything away.  I walked downstairs to see my family and I couldn’t help but think what they would think if they knew what a slut I really am Mistress.  Thank You Mistress for letting me cum this Christmas :)

URETHRAL SOUNDS

Urethral sounds found below:

Urethral sounding is a sensation activity where I basically stick a metal rod in your cock and fuck it.

Typically, these sounds are used by doctors to clear blockages in the urethra, but leave it to us kinky people to take medical instruments for pleasure. Yes, this would be considered medical play, but more importantly it is considered highly pleasurable for some.

I’ve heard that urethral sounding either feels like you’re peeing or that you’re cumming over and over and over. Sometimes, if we go real deep, you can feel the prostate massage from the sound.

You be the judge.

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WHY I HAVEN’T ESCORTED IN YEARS

Title:
Beauty in the Rays

I’d like to be able to say that a job like this will grant you freedom, but I want to tell you the truth. The only way you can be free in this line of work is by not doing it. It’s true that you won’t have to go somewhere to clock in for eight hours, but you definitely won’t be free. You’ll be able to work while you’re out with your friends or while you shop for groceries. When summer brings heat you will be able to take your phone to the pool to wait for calls, but you will hesitate getting in the water because it might mess up your hair, and you have an image to maintain. You’ll have your bag of “tricks” in the back of your car at all times, just in case. Double-checking the contents could become an obsessive habit because it only takes once to learn there’s nothing worse than being in a call only to realize you left your lube at home.

If you’re lucky you might be able to stay away from the drugs or liquor, but you’ll use something else to help you play the part. There will be some activity, some form of release – maybe even a healthy one – that will help you deal with the negative effects this work will have on your soul. You’ll have to have something.

Perhaps your release will be yoga. In class, you’ll find yourself in the studio staring at the other practitioners. You’ll wonder what they would say if they knew that just an hour prior you were paid to fuck some guy in the ass with a strap-on. You’ll wonder how friendly they would be if they knew the truth. As you stare at your face in the mirror in the studio you will notice it resembles someone else’s because of the makeup you never used to wear. Nevertheless, you’ll try to find your center through inhales and exhales, but as you press back into downward facing dog you won’t be able to get the face of your last client out of your head. His name won’t be important. You probably won’t even be able to remember it. What you will remember is rubbing your foot on his cock and how he said, “That feels good, baby,” and how you knew he called you baby because he forgot your name. These types of flashbacks might bother you at first, but if you’re going to be doing this kind of work, you’d better get used to it, because client flashbacks will be common.

This job will either make you or break you, and if it doesn’t break you then you will get very good at it. It won’t come easy at first, but you will master the art of reading people. You will be a salesperson, and whether or not the clients decide to book will depends on the initial telephone contact. You will pay such close attention to the tones of their voices that you will be able to tell if they are scared, lonely, horny, or new at this game. When you come in their houses you will study everything . You will learn about them from the pictures on their walls, their wedding rings, the cleanliness and texture of their hands, and whether or not they are able to look you in the eyes when you speak to them. It is also important to ask if they have children because, chances are, if they have a daughter they will respect you more.

Get used to people telling you what you should do with your body. There will be men that tell you that you have too many tattoos, that your hair should be longer, that you should kiss them, should fuck them, should like it doggie-style, or that you should let them eat your pussy, because, “It will feel so, so good.”

On the other hand you will have people who worship everything about you. They will tell you that your tattoos are beautiful, that your hair is the perfect length, and that you have the best body they have ever seen in their entire lives. They will tell you that you are kind, smart, and sincere. When they tell you that you are sincere you will know that you are doing your job well, because you have convinced them.

“You’re so sincere,” will be one of the best compliments you will receive, not because it’s true but because it means that you are in fact just the opposite: extremely good at telling people what they want to hear, which is exactly what they pay you for.

You’ll have to make the clients like you so they don’t get furious when you tell them that an “intimate encounter” does not mean sex. This is actually not that difficult. Even though you will forget their names when the time is up, make sure you address them by their name when you are in the call, falsifying the “intimate encounter.” It will make them feel important and it will also let them know you’ll remember them no matter what happens, Touch them softly and smile. Slide your fingers up and down their arms, along their fingertips. Make them see you as a person, not just an object. Find something that you have in common with them, or make something up. Also, don’t forget to compliment each one on how unique and different he is compared to the clients you’re used to seeing. Also, make sure you do this without using the word, “client.” Most clients don’t want to be thought of as customers. Your intuition will tell you when something isn’t right. Listen to it. It could save your life.

At first you won’t be aware of the sexual energy your body will begin to exude. This will soon be brought to your attention by the increasing amount of looks and comments you’ll receive from strangers. You’ll try to smile politely but it will only be a matter of time before you start rolling your eyes and shaking your head. You’ll get tired of being objectified, and it won’t be long before you’ll hold back screams each time a man looks at you with that familiar look of hunger you know all too well. You won’t scream, though, because that would be out of character, and even though you’re not on the clock, the job follows you home. You’ll build your walls to protect yourself from these strangers. You’ll try to avoid eye contact with people you pass on the street. You might miss the occasional genuine connection, but you’ll have to protect yourself.

There will be clients that you connect with, and although this may seem harmless, it will only confuse you. You’ll need to disassociate from clients as much as possible in order to maintain financial productivity. Remember to never meet a client outside of a session, or in other words, for free. You will find many men who’ll tell you anything you want to hear. They will tell you they love you and that you’re different. This is where it’s important to remember that they can’t be trusted and they only truth you know will be your own

Then of course, there is the money. The reason. You will be introduced to people who think money will get them whatever they want in life, but you will be smart enough to know that isn’t true because the money will not make you happy. People will think they own you, and to a certain extent they will, for an hour at least. They will buy your touches, your mind. They will buy your ears so they can talk for hours about their lousy ex-wives and their successful businesses. They will tell you how they rent entire islands for the weekend so they can host business conferences for CEOs. They will show you their jeeps, boats, and big screen TVs. You will enjoy filet mignon dinners with them, and they will order bottles of wine that cost at least two hundred dollars. At first, this will be a wonderful perk of the job, but no matter how expensive the wine is or how tender that piece of meat is when you cut into it, you’ll see that everything will start to taste the same. In all of the abundance, one thing will be crystal clear: how lonely your clients truly are. You’ll see that the ones with the biggest houses are the ones that call the most because their money will not take away the emptiness they feel deep inside.

You may try to maintain a boyfriend while you do this work. Maybe he’ll be strong enough to deal with the stress this job gives you, but it’s more probable that he won’t. Even if he’s centered enough to endure your neuroses, the job will eventually takes its toll on his soul, too. Client flashbacks will make intimacy very difficult, if not impossible, for you. You’ll begin to question the ulterior motives of men – even the one you call your boyfriend. It won’t matter how sweet he is, because your thoughts will be so convoluted with the work, that reality and fantasy will overlap. You’ll find you shut down and disassociate when he touches you in a way similar to that of a client, and he won’t even know how you feel because you’ll bite your tongue and surrender to his caresses because, well, why wouldn’t you? He’s your boyfriend. If you can manage to hang on to him you will, because this work will leave you lonely, and sometimes you’ll want to be held by someone who knows your real name.

You will find it hard to make commitments with your friends because you will be on-call. On the days when you do make plans, your phone will ring even more. Then on the days that you set aside for work, the phone will be silent. Your friends will get annoyed with you for having to leave all the time, and even though they’ll say it doesn’t bother them, they will eventually grow to resent you.

At first, you will lie to people about your work. You’ll worry about their judgments and being called a whore or a prostitute. Some people will call you these things, but others will stick by your side. Once you get comfortable with being in this business, you won’t want to lie to people. In fact, you have to be careful because you will be so comfortable with your job that you will feel it’s appropriate to tell anyone who asks. Beware, because no matter how long you have known someone, you can never be prepared for how they will react when you tell the truth. Doing a job that society deems as unacceptable will reveal true friends in less than thirty days. It’s guaranteed.

It will be in your best interest to be selfish. You’ll want to take as much time as you can for self-care. Treat yourself to a massage, spend time going on long walks, go away for the night and stay in a hotel. You don’t have to live lavishly or buy expensive things. In fact, it will be in your best interest if you don’t adjust your lifestyle to the money. You won’t want to feel trapped to keep doing something you may only be able to do for a short time.

It is a good idea for you to have a reason you are doing this type of work. No one can just do it to make a living. It is a dead end road, and if you don’t have a bigger goal that you’re working toward, you will be miserable. Whatever your passion, remember it and repeat it to yourself often. Think about your goals as you drive to appointments, when you sit at home and wait for the phone to ring, and when you have no one to spend the evening with because all your friends have learned that you have nothing left to give to them.

You’ll get used to keeping odd hours. At first it will take some time to adjust to the late nights, but after a while you’ll get used to it. There will be many times when you’ll grab your morning coffee in the evening, and you’ll remember what coffee shops stay open the latest, or even twenty-four hours a day. There will be some good things to being one of the few on the road in the early morning hours. One, there will be little to no traffic. You’ll be amazed at how fast you can get around town when the freeways are clear and the majority of the people are asleep. On rare occasions – but not too rare – you will be awake to see the sun come up. This is why it will be important to keep sunglasses in your car. There’s nothing worse than bright light in your face when you haven’t slept yet. The tired first signs of day won’t be so harsh if you try to see beauty in the rays. You will be tired more days than not, but you will get used to this too, and you’ll make up for sleep when you can, because that’s all you can do. Just try to see the beauty in the rays.

© 2009

 

★ Denver Mistress ★

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