I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Submission is a gift. Submission is not something that Dommes are entitled to, and it is not something to be taken with force (unless of course there has been negotiation in regards to a role-play beforehand).
So, why is submission a gift?
Submission is a gift because it is not just the gift of a physical body, servitude, or power exchange. It is a gift because submission is the gift of trust.
To put oneself in the position of receiving the gifts of BDSM from a Dominatrix is essentially putting oneself in the position of potentially being wounded – on an emotional and perhaps physical level. *** To clarify, not all BDSM sessions include pain – this is actually a myth, and as a Dominatrix my sessions rarely involve “beating the shit out of someone.” (If I had a nickel for every time I heard my profession reduced to that, I’d be rich. No, it is much, much more).***
Yet, to put oneself in the position of potentially being wounded -while at the same time trusting that intentional wounding won’t occur – is essentially, the definition of vulnerability. This ties to a fundamental theme experienced in most of my sessions (and in my life for that matter): intimacy.
Those of you who have played with me know that I like to take kink to a deeper emotional level. I don’t attract the clients who want a quick fix. To me, that is boring. I prefer depth, involvement, and truly get off on the trust that is given to me in session. Now, if someone wants to engage in dismissive treatment coming from me, we negotiate that beforehand and act it out accordingly. Many things are possible, but in order to maintain the integrity of the D/s relationships, it is crucial to have an underlying foundation of trust.
It is important to recognize the emotional and physical risks submissives take when they come to see me. It is important to recognize that submission is a gift, and like all aspects of emotional vulnerability, that gift should be recognized and acknowledged with respect.
– Mistress Danielle