Tag Archives: sex work

WHEN CUDDLING IS KINKY

I have found, over the past nine years, that fetishists and kinksters, people in D/s relationships, and submissives (and Dominants) can all have very specific kinks and desires. Sometimes, those desires are a little less typical…like cuddling.

In fact, sometimes when people make initial contact with me, they have a script of sorts – a tale of fantasy – that they have acted out alone numerous times before coming to a Professional Dominant like myself. Yet, sometimes, cuddling is kinky… Continue reading WHEN CUDDLING IS KINKY

INTERNATIONAL DAY TO END VIOLENCE AGAINST SEX WORKERS

Today is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers.

I’m sure when you hear this, images of sex workers being raped, accosted by police, and pushed around by pimps enter your mind. I would like to hope that this day represents solidarity for sex workers who have experienced all of the violent encounters mentioned above.

On a deeper level, I would like to address the violence that occurs on a daily basis as a result from societal oppression, stigmatization, and silence around the topic of sex work as a whole.

Violence is also this:

  • The failure to recognize and even omittance of sex workers as a marginalize community within popular culture, educational programs, and government agencies.
  • Failure to recognize sex work as an actual occupation or condemning sex work as a whole simply because it is not socially acceptable or considered “normal.”
  • Speaking in hushed tones around an “out” sex worker when talking about his or her work.
  • Breaking friendships or cutting ties with sex workers because you are uncomfortable with his or her profession.
  • Assuming that sex workers are sex workers because they have a history of trauma or abuse.
  • Drawing conclusions about a sex worker’s sexuality or sex life solely based on his or her profession.
  • Thinking that sex workers don’t deserve to be loved or be in committed or noncommitted relationships simply because they trade sex for objects of value.
  • Adopting a code of silence around a sex worker’s occupation when he or she has made it clear that they are open to communicating.
  • Failing to recognize the emotional capacity of sex workers – people who hold space for some of the most intimate of human expressions.
  • Perpetuating the shame and invisibility of sex work by choosing to stay silent.

international day to end violence against sex workers

WHEN YOUR PARENT CALLS YOU A WHORE

Personal notes from Domme Danielle, Denver’s Intuitive Dominatrix

When my transgender mother tells me that she would have a lot more respect for me and my work as a BDSM/fetish specialist if I labeled it for “what it really is” – which to her is no more then prostitution, and it is completely invaluable because “it is not 40 hour a week job…” I tell her that her dumbing down my 10 years in the industry as a professional dominatrix to being no more than prostitution – which I have nothing against – would be like me telling her that she’s a man in a dress. Continue reading WHEN YOUR PARENT CALLS YOU A WHORE

AN INTIMATE JOURNEY

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 11.37.13 AMPre-session email from a submissive. 
 
“I’ll try very hard to sit on your couch and dispassionately talk about sessions and preferences et. al., but when I think of it that is the part seems like role play.  When I think about connecting with you, two things come to mind.  Talking with you afterwards about who you are now, where you are, glimpses at the back of the painting…

Continue reading AN INTIMATE JOURNEY

HOW SEX WORK HELPED MY SEX LIFE PART I

Screen Shot 2015-09-11 at 8.52.03 AMThis topic will require more than one post. There is simply too much to cover in one sitting (my attention span isn’t that long). Enjoy Part I!

I was 23 when I entered the sex industry, and I was terrified. My first gig involved taking artistic nude photographs for money. Typically I would make about $150 for an hour or two of shots. I would find the photographers on Craigslist – the site that veteran sex workers like myself remember fondly – before the Craigslist killings took place and the site limited access to adult ads. Continue reading HOW SEX WORK HELPED MY SEX LIFE PART I

VULNERABILITY & BDSM

Screen Shot 2014-06-19 at 10.48.27 AM

Dear Mistress,

Vulnerability can be defined as uncertainty, risk, or emotional and physical exposure. For many, in everyday life this emotion or feeling is not common.  We all walk safely through our lives as we know them, all very routine and comforting.  It is when we step out of those restraints of the everyday, that we become vulnerable. I have always sought this feeling when adventuring into the world of BDSM, and although so rare to find the person that instills this feeling, once in a while it slaps you in the face.  Not completely unique to men in my position, this exposure or uncertainty derived from a truly dominant woman speaks to a part of me that few know.  Most would see me as a natural leader, someone to look to to make decisions, not as the vulnerable man I placed in the hands of Domme Danielle.

Continue reading VULNERABILITY & BDSM

AN UNDERSTANDING OF THOSE AGAINST SEX WORK

I’ve been spending a lot of time, lately, critically thinking about what would make someone oppose the profession of sex work. Of course, this has stemmed from a personal encounter with someone who has expressed judgment and aversion in regards to me being a Professional Dominatrix. I don’t usually spend too much time on what other people think, but this person is a newly inherited family member, and so I feel an urge to understand things from her point of view. 

It is my naturally tendency to get curious about people who disprove of my actions, as oppose to get defensive or try to protect myself against some attack on my imaginary ego. Continue reading AN UNDERSTANDING OF THOSE AGAINST SEX WORK

THE ASSERTIVE WOMAN

Screen Shot 2014-08-14 at 6.14.03 PM

The topic of female assertion has been coming up a lot as of late. It would be safe to assume that I do identify as a strong, assertive woman. To some, my dominance – which stereotypically is a masculine trait – is extremely threatening and has provoked the use of labels such as bitchy, scary, or mean. I understand that it may throw a lot of people off when they see such a (mostly) feminine looking woman exhibiting such confidence or assertion, but those people aren’t usually the ones with whom I choose to spend my valuable time. Continue reading THE ASSERTIVE WOMAN

PRO-DOMME VS ESCORT

I really cannot seem to write enough about the differences between Pro-Dommes and escorts. First, let me start by saying that I have nothing against any form of sex work. I encourage people who want to use the services of escorts to do just that, and I also encourage safety in all types of play. Yes, oral, too. Oral means any act of sex performed on ANY genitalia – pussy, cock, or ass. Continue reading PRO-DOMME VS ESCORT

GAYS, GOD, AND SEX WORK

Screen Shot 2013-11-18 at 11.54.47 AM

A response to a relative:

Thank you for your apology.

You know, I sat on our conversation for the entire evening, and read your email and sat on that for a while as well. I’m going to be completely honest with you. Our conversation did really upset me. Continue reading GAYS, GOD, AND SEX WORK