Category Archives: SENSUAL DOMINATION

MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. This is probably due to me having high functioning Aspergers and being a very sensitive human. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. I am also extremely sensitive, have dreams that come true, and the occasional premonition and moment of clairvoyance. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with my clients when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I do not engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more boring. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself by wearing little to nothing or just a bra and panties, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy. Oh, and I don’t like latex. I can’t tell you the last time I wore it. It’s uncomfortable, so no thanks. I’d rather not be a cesspool of sweat and bacteria in an article of clothing that is a pain in the ass to get on and off. Things tend to get messy enough as is…

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you all to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so? I prefer not to hide behind the role of dominatrix and rather simply show up as myself – naturally assertive, sadistic, caring, and possessing skill of dominance and healing.

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THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

My motivation to write an article on the dichotomous relationship between love and pain lies heavily on the most common complaint I hear from couples I coach outside of the BDSM world.  The most common complaint I hear is that most of my clients experience an inability to connect with friends, family, or lovers – sometimes even pets. It presents as an inability to connect, to be vulnerable, and to experience empathy. I’m not talking about superficial connection that revolves around pleasantries, and I’m not talking about not being able to do activities with others. What I’m talking about is the connection that is often called “intimacy,” the connection that makes us feel safe, can make us feel comfortable sharing our bodies with others, and the connection that is a result of feeling seen, heard, and respected in our experiences.  Continue reading THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX

Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know of some upcoming availability changes due to MY BIRTHDAY! I will be unavailable for the entire week of June 6 and will not be answering any emails.

If you would like to show your support for Continue reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX

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WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING A DOMINATRIX

I have been meaning to write a blog post on this topic for quite some time now. I am about to reach my 10 year anniversary working in the adult entertainment industry, and that has led to a lot of reflection about the time that has passed, the things I’ve gained, the things I’ve lost, and the experiences I’ve had.

professional dominatrix denver, professional dominatrix
Continue reading WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING A DOMINATRIX

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WHAT IS SUB SPACE

I don’t know why it never dawned on me to write a post on the wonderful topic of subspace. I think I just assumed that everyone knew what subspace was, and I have been reminded again that it is important to think of things from the mind of a beginner.

So, what is subspace? Continue reading WHAT IS SUB SPACE

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DENVER DOMINATRIX BIRTHDAY WISH

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My birthday is in June and I am planning Continue reading DENVER DOMINATRIX BIRTHDAY WISH

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WHEN CUDDLING IS KINKY

I have found, over the past nine years, that fetishists and kinksters, people in D/s relationships, and submissives (and Dominants) can all have very specific kinks and desires. Sometimes, those desires are a little less typical…like cuddling.

In fact, sometimes when people make initial contact with me, they have a script of sorts – a tale of fantasy – that they have acted out alone numerous times before coming to a Professional Dominant like myself. Yet, sometimes, cuddling is kinky… Continue reading WHEN CUDDLING IS KINKY

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URETHRAL SOUNDS ELECTRIFYING!

I’m going to render you helpless on my bondage table, perhaps mummified in cellophane with only the important parts protruding – the parts I’m going to need for my delicious torment.

Perhaps I’ll use my PES. It gives me the perfect amount of control with the simple turn of a finger. You’re not scared are you? I promise to be gentle… as I want to be. I long to hear you moan.

Oh, what did you say? You like it when I fuck your cock with my metal rod? Nope, you don’t get that, my little slave. You’re going to have to beg and beg and beg and beg…

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AN INTIMATE JOURNEY

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 11.37.13 AMPre-session email from a submissive. 
 
“I’ll try very hard to sit on your couch and dispassionately talk about sessions and preferences et. al., but when I think of it that is the part seems like role play.  When I think about connecting with you, two things come to mind.  Talking with you afterwards about who you are now, where you are, glimpses at the back of the painting…

Continue reading AN INTIMATE JOURNEY

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SEX WORK IS REAL

Screen Shot 2014-10-29 at 1.32.50 PMIt’s time for people to wake up and realize the reality of the sex industry. It’s no new news that prostitution has been around for thousands of years and is often referred to as the oldest profession in the world. I’m not here to argue that case. I’m here to shed light on the billion dollar industry that is sex work. The industry isn’t going to magically disappear just because it makes you cringe or you feel uncomfortable thinking about the supposed lewd actions of people engaging in sex for money. Continue reading SEX WORK IS REAL

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