Category Archives: DS RELATIONSHIPS

MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. This is probably due to me having high functioning Aspergers and being a very sensitive human. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. I am also extremely sensitive, have dreams that come true, and the occasional premonition and moment of clairvoyance. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with my clients when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I do not engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more boring. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself by wearing little to nothing or just a bra and panties, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy. Oh, and I don’t like latex. I can’t tell you the last time I wore it. It’s uncomfortable, so no thanks. I’d rather not be a cesspool of sweat and bacteria in an article of clothing that is a pain in the ass to get on and off. Things tend to get messy enough as is…

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you all to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so? I prefer not to hide behind the role of dominatrix and rather simply show up as myself – naturally assertive, sadistic, caring, and possessing skill of dominance and healing.

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THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

My motivation to write an article on the dichotomous relationship between love and pain lies heavily on the most common complaint I hear from couples I coach outside of the BDSM world.  The most common complaint I hear is that most of my clients experience an inability to connect with friends, family, or lovers – sometimes even pets. It presents as an inability to connect, to be vulnerable, and to experience empathy. I’m not talking about superficial connection that revolves around pleasantries, and I’m not talking about not being able to do activities with others. What I’m talking about is the connection that is often called “intimacy,” the connection that makes us feel safe, can make us feel comfortable sharing our bodies with others, and the connection that is a result of feeling seen, heard, and respected in our experiences.  Continue reading THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

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SEX & DESIRE – PART I

Today I am going to write about sex and desire and how it pertains to relationships, control, and self-esteem. Let me start by clarifying my definition of sex. To me, sex is: Continue reading SEX & DESIRE – PART I

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THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Submission is a gift. Submission is not something that Dommes are entitled to, and it is not something to be taken with force (unless of course there has been negotiation in regards to a role-play beforehand).

So, why is submission a gift? Continue reading THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION

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THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

I was perusing my old videos (I like to make a lot of movies…with consent of course) – and I stumbled across a clip that made me want to write a post on the art of role-playing. Continue reading THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

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WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING A DOMINATRIX

I have been meaning to write a blog post on this topic for quite some time now. I am about to reach my 10 year anniversary working in the adult entertainment industry, and that has led to a lot of reflection about the time that has passed, the things I’ve gained, the things I’ve lost, and the experiences I’ve had.

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Continue reading WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING A DOMINATRIX

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WHAT IS SUB SPACE

I don’t know why it never dawned on me to write a post on the wonderful topic of subspace. I think I just assumed that everyone knew what subspace was, and I have been reminded again that it is important to think of things from the mind of a beginner.

So, what is subspace? Continue reading WHAT IS SUB SPACE

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MASOCHISM WITH A DENVER DOMINATRIX

This Denver Dominatrix loves all kinds of sessions, but my favorite BDSM sessions are those in which my submissives can completely escape. Escape to where? Reality in the present moment by use of fetishes, kinks, pain, and pleasure. It sounds simple enough, but it takes a skilled BDSM practitioner like myself to assist you in that journey and make sure you get where you need to go and come back in one piece. Continue reading MASOCHISM WITH A DENVER DOMINATRIX

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WHEN YOUR PARENT CALLS YOU A WHORE

Personal notes from Domme Danielle, Denver’s Intuitive Dominatrix

When my transgender mother tells me that she would have a lot more respect for me and my work as a BDSM/fetish specialist if I labeled it for “what it really is” – which to her is no more then prostitution, and it is completely invaluable because “it is not 40 hour a week job…” I tell her that her dumbing down my 10 years in the industry as a professional dominatrix to being no more than prostitution – which I have nothing against – would be like me telling her that she’s a man in a dress. Continue reading WHEN YOUR PARENT CALLS YOU A WHORE

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CUCKHOLD ROLEPLAY

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Note: This is a roleplay scenario. Yogurt was used in lieu of cum, and no, there was not a real man fucking me in the room…. it was all done by imagination!!!! I blindfolded him, and then made slapping sounds on my ass as I screamed about how hard I was being fucked and how big the imaginary man’s cock was.
There was no compromising of anyone’s health. No oral, just pretend 🙂 Oh, but he did suck my condom covered cock 🙂 and a very good job he did, too…

Read on for the nitty gritty DETAILS:
The role play was that we were married and I have a small cock and cum too soon to satisfy my wife. We had sex this morning and it happened again I came and she did not. So she sent me to work wearing her panties under my work clothes. We picked up the role play as I was coming home from work that evening.
I said hello and She asked me to come in the living room and sit down. The living room was set up with candles burning etc. She told me after my lack of performance this moring that I should sit on floor at her feet. She told me our life together was going to change or we would not be together. She said she had a lot of surprise for me this evening. She told me to strip except for the panties she had me wear to work. She was dressed very sexy. she grabbed my cock through my panties and said from now on it would be called my clit, and my ass would be called my pussy. She said I was going to be her sissy bitch from now on. My clit had started to leak pre-cum which she noticed and scooped it up with her finger and made me eat it. Danielle then tied my wrist together and had me crawl over to a bench and lean against the benchand stick out my panty covered ass. She pulled down the panties a little and hand spanked warming up both cheeks. She suddenly with a lubed finger penetrated my ass and massaged my prostate. This started a regular flow of pre-cum which she made sure to feed to me. With her finger in my ass she wispered in my ear that she had a friend in the bedroom that she was going to bring into the living room and fuck to her hearts content. She withdrew her finger and blindfolded me. She brought her friend into the room and started service his huge cock, she mounted him right there on the couch they switched to doggy and he was really pounding her. She came hard followed quickly by him. He came deep in her pussy. He quickly left and my blindfold was lifted. She was ravaged. There was cum running down her thighs and all over her ass. She first made me clean the cum off her ass then the cum running down her thighs. After the clean up she said that she was going to fuck me now, but not the way I think. She left the room and returned with a strap on. She made me suck and deep throat her strap on. She then bent me over the bench and atempted to enter me. I beg her not to because it was too big. After begging many times she said ok try wiffing a little of this stuff and we will try again, but sooner or later I’m going to fuck your cunt you sissy bitch. I did as I was told after a couple wiffs she tried again and she entered me with her strap on. She waited a bit after first entering then started to move in and out. Soon she was fucking me hard and making me beg for it harder. She rubbed my leaking clit through my panties and fed me more pre-cum. Soon I told her I was going to cum she made me cum in my panties. She pulled up my cum soaked panties and made me get dressed and sent me home in cum soaked panties.
What a wonderful session. Her role play skills are great, and her strap on use was very well done no pain just pleasure.

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