Category Archives: DENVER FETISHES

MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. This is probably due to me having high functioning Aspergers and being a very sensitive human. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. I am also extremely sensitive, have dreams that come true, and the occasional premonition and moment of clairvoyance. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with my clients when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I do not engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more boring. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself by wearing little to nothing or just a bra and panties, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy. Oh, and I don’t like latex. I can’t tell you the last time I wore it. It’s uncomfortable, so no thanks. I’d rather not be a cesspool of sweat and bacteria in an article of clothing that is a pain in the ass to get on and off. Things tend to get messy enough as is…

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you all to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so? I prefer not to hide behind the role of dominatrix and rather simply show up as myself – naturally assertive, sadistic, caring, and possessing skill of dominance and healing.

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DENVER DOMINATRIX LIFE UPDATE

Hello all! I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted an update, so here it is!

There are going to be some changes to my availability/life starting on August 27. I am enrolled in graduate courses and have updated my calendar so you can see how this might affect you. Continue reading DENVER DOMINATRIX LIFE UPDATE

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THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

My motivation to write an article on the dichotomous relationship between love and pain lies heavily on the most common complaint I hear from couples I coach outside of the BDSM world.  The most common complaint I hear is that most of my clients experience an inability to connect with friends, family, or lovers – sometimes even pets. It presents as an inability to connect, to be vulnerable, and to experience empathy. I’m not talking about superficial connection that revolves around pleasantries, and I’m not talking about not being able to do activities with others. What I’m talking about is the connection that is often called “intimacy,” the connection that makes us feel safe, can make us feel comfortable sharing our bodies with others, and the connection that is a result of feeling seen, heard, and respected in our experiences.  Continue reading THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PAIN AND LOVE

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ASK A DOMINATRIX

I’m going to be doing a video series where you can ask me any questions you like. Here is a link that will take you to guidelines and instructions. If you would prefer not to leave a comment on youtube, just send me an email. I will select a few questions and answer them in video format.

 

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SEX & DESIRE – PART I

Today I am going to write about sex and desire and how it pertains to relationships, control, and self-esteem. Let me start by clarifying my definition of sex. To me, sex is: Continue reading SEX & DESIRE – PART I

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THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

I was perusing my old videos (I like to make a lot of movies…with consent of course) – and I stumbled across a clip that made me want to write a post on the art of role-playing. Continue reading THE ART OF ROLE-PLAYING – FREE VIDEO CLIP INCLUDED

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX

Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know of some upcoming availability changes due to MY BIRTHDAY! I will be unavailable for the entire week of June 6 and will not be answering any emails.

If you would like to show your support for Continue reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DENVER DOMINATRIX

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A SAMPLE OF DISTANCE EMAIL DOMINATION

Since I have recently added distance domination to my list of kinks and services that I offer, I wanted to show you all what distance domination via email looks like. This person is paying me $100 for 4-5 emails of any type, to be kept to a limit of two paragraphs each coming from him.

So, in this correspondence, Continue reading A SAMPLE OF DISTANCE EMAIL DOMINATION

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THE SHUTTING DOWN OF BACKPAGE.COM

Continue reading THE SHUTTING DOWN OF BACKPAGE.COM

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NEW YEAR POST

I went back and forth about whether or not to create a New Year post. I don’t really celebrate the New Year, simply because it doesn’t make sense Continue reading NEW YEAR POST

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