Category Archives: DENVER BONDAGE

WORLD’S BEST MISTRESS IS BACK!

I sincerely hope this finds you safe and healthy during these fucked up times.

“You can do it like it’s a great weight, or you can do it like it’s part of the dance.” – Ram Dass

As many of you know, at the start of the pandemic I shifted my focus from BDSM and fetishes to online grief and mental health coaching for those in transition. The experience proved to be a very good way by which to stay connected while being open to the drastic and radical shifts that were, and still are, occurring. I had no idea of the necessary and demanding position I would find myself in due to all the change. I’m thankful to have been able to give and receive.

I was lucky to be able to continue to work in some capacity by doing either phone or video sessions for individuals and couples. I found the interactions to be stimulating and fresh, they kept me on my toes, and kept my mind sharp. In fact, knowing the power I have just by using my voice is a huge turn on! You wouldn’t believe some of the things people have done for me. Conducting sessions virtually requires a very advanced ability to communicate and also the ability to “think in pictures.” You can thank my autism for the latter and my passion for the former.

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2020

Also, at the start of the pandemic I relocated to a new space. It was stressful to move during times like these, but things have finally settled down. I even have the dungeon set up for that special first day, whenever that will be. I thank all of you who assisted with the move in some capacity, even if it was just to check in on me.

One of the most challenging aspects of the last five months was the amount of death and loss I have experienced. There have been a total of five deaths so far, and three of them were people with whom I had significant and impactful histories. Needless to say, taking a break from all sessions to grieve was a choice I gladly made for my mental health. These times have reinforced my belief in appreciating the moments, the power of presence, and true connections. I’m thankful we have kept in touch.

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Now, some sense of normalcy has been restored for the time being. I am back in school, and I love it! I am holding sessions of all types, and have been enjoying working with couples in particular. It seems that many people have decided to spice up their sex life as a result of the pandemic, and that liberation brings me great joy. Of course, I wish I could physically go to class and play with others, but for now, this is an excellent option. I can’t imagine what we would do without the technology that did and does carry many of us through.

I have updated each page of my website to reflect the changes that have occurred, and my rates have been adjusted to remain fair and competitive within the industry! XOXOXOXO

END OF LIFE & SHADOW WORK

People have been emailing me requesting resources surrounding wills and/or advanced directives for end of life care. I have included links to both at the end of this post. Here is a link to the support line I created. I have also lowered the rate in order to increase availability for those who need it: https://kinkencounters.com/corona-virus-support-line/

Some of you may think this is a little grim, but I consider death to be a part of life. I consider death to be one of the ultimate truths, just like sex.

Someone once told me, “You have the ability to bring my shadow to light.”

Death work is shadow work. Sex work can be shadow work as well.

I am honored to be someone who is capable of holding space for the realities of life, sex, and death – someone who is brave enough to open to the truth. I trust that you have that bravery inside of you at well.

“If you think that at the time of your death you will have the strength to do the work of a lifetime, you will be sorrily mistaken. I find that when I keep death close at hand….I say I love you more often. I take myself a little less seriously and learn to not hold opinions so tightly. Maybe we let go a little more easily. Curiously, I find we become a bit kinder to each other.”- Frank Ostaseki, The Five Invitations

Links:

WILL: https://eforms.com/wills/?fbclid=IwAR2r8eUHzFmLpTI_a6ZrRVOXC6kkuZfSaJxK07ts62dDIXhO2OuGMJVbUE4

ADVANCED DIRECTIVE: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/free-printable-advance-directives/?fbclid=IwAR0NnLeZB92E3j25A_oiwUvQIw-fCRqKlp2bRF8dXz90sE6_1gQskoi40Mg

CORONA VIRUS SUPPORT LINE

VIA NITEFLIRT, CLICK HERE: https://www.niteflirt.com/listings/show/11022364-Corona-Virus-Support-Psychology-Chaplaincy

I have created a Corona virus support line designed for emotional support for anyone who needs it during this time. I have an MA in Counseling Psychology, and I am currently working on my second MA in Divinity. I am being trained to offer care to those in crisis who are grieving and/or dying and experiencing loss.

I identify as omnist and interfaith with a strong emphasis in Buddhism and a background in Christianity and Catholicism – and also atheism.

I am here to help you get resourced by means of somatic therapy, talk therapy, or Buddhist meditation in the form of Vipassana or Shamata. I am an expert at holding non-judgemental spaces, and I work with men and women with emotional issues pertaining to their lives and gender roles within the family or societal dynamic.

I have a multitude of various methods from which to pull from. Let’s find what eases your suffering or simply allows space for it to be. I am extremely skilled at identifying a proper modality in a timely and efficient manner.

Thus far, my studies have been dedicated primarily to the neurobiology of behavior in relation to grief, loss, dying, anxiety, the reward system and sexuality, harm-reduction, shame, post-traumatic stress disorder, attachment theory, addiction, gender, and most importantly, communication. 

I have other lines on Niteflirt that showcase my expertise as Dominatrix of over a decade, however, that is not what this line is for. Please be mindful of that when calling. This line will not be used for those services.

DENVER DOMINATRIX POOL PARTY!

I had the most wonderful time with my slut today. We celebrated her birthday, and I dressed her up like my perfect little fuck doll. For her birthday I got her a few things, but the most important thing that I got her was a swimsuit because she had never had a pool party as her new self, Cici.

It fit!

Cici has been emerging over the past years in and out of our sessions. It is been quite an honor to watch the transformation of gender and sexuality with someone I now call a close friend.

I love making people feel special, but more than anything I love to help others express themselves. It touches a special place in my heart to help others liberate themselves and find freedom in whichever way they desire. Of course, liberation does not have to include gender play, but in this case it did.

I made sure everything was perfect by decorating the dungeon, having snacks, drinks, and of course, a cake.

The earlier part of the afternoon was spent in the pool before we transitioned into the cool red light of the dungeon. Cici has learned, overtime, how to be a good girl and how to please this Denver Dominatrix.

Let’s just say that I’m sure all of her birthday wishes – and mine – were answered. Thank you for the amazing day, Cici.

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FAN PAGE

Per your requests, it has finally happened!

Subscribe to my fan page where I post a ton of kinky shit (shit = photos & videos – & occasionally actual shit).

Really, though, it’s a behind the scenes platform of personal expression where you get to know me on a deeper level. I’m open to requests for custom content. You know me, the weirder the better. https://onlyfans.com/missddenver

YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR SLAVE

Being a Dominatrix comes with great responsibility. Creating a sacred sexual space comes with ethical obligations.

Occasionally, like everyone, I have bad days. When I share this with others I am often told, “You can take it out on your slave.”

To put it simply, there is NO WAY that I – or anyone else – should ever take a bad day out on a slave – with one exception.

The exception is to obtain consent so that both parties are clear on the intention of play.

My background in psychotherapy and my knowledge of countertransference guide my ethical compass. I also am well-informed on emotional entanglement vs. healthy relationships.

Even if I mask what is going on, my slave/bottom/sub will feel it on an energetic level. To think of other providers who use others to meet their needs for emotional enmeshment or codependency is of great concern to me. In that situation, no one gets better.

I am not saying that I put my emotional needs to the side forever. If I am upset and have a booking, I simply reassure myself that I will revisit the issue once the session has finished. This helps me be present for myself and for my submissive while we play.

I am always available to consult with other providers to help them find ways to be most effective when holding space. If you are a slave and you are concerned about the way your Mistress takes things out on you, book a consult and we can discuss ways for you to navigate the situation. https://kinkencounters.com/online-bdsm-sessions-distance-dominance/

WHAT IS PROFESSIONAL BDSM?

What is Professional BDSM?

            Professional BDSM is a multi-faceted, ritualistic practice that occurs between consenting adults who wish to act out sexual or non-sexual fantasies that pertain specifically to the exchange of power and trust. BDSM sessions, also called scenes, can include physiological and psychological stimulation, role-play scenarios, costumes, make-believe, and objects that have certain meanings attached to them – otherwise known as fetish objects. All scenes involve a dominant and a submissive, also referred to as a top and a bottom, respectively, and usually involve two people, although scenes with multiple people can also occur. Professional scenes can last anywhere from one hour to multiples of hours or days and include negotiations beforehand to discuss boundaries, limits, safe words, and desires. Sessions should – but do not always – include aftercare. Aftercare is the intentional allotted time that occurs after the scene in order for the dominant to offer comfort, a space to process, and communication to the submissive. Many players consider aftercare to be the most important part of a scene. Most importantly, BDSM scenes are conducted in an environment in which players can allow any emotion to surface without feeling judged or shamed by the external constructs of mainstream society. 

            There are many different styles of BDSM. The type of play is dependent upon the emotional and physiological awareness of the dominant, his or her expertise, as well as the intentions set for the session – if any have been set at all. There are many practitioners who cater more to physical sensations in a session as opposed to psychological; there are practitioners who focus only on the psychological. My ideal style of play is a holistic approach that incorporates both physiological and psychological stimulation. For me, the exchange of trust and emotional intimacy are paramount. I prefer to use my sessions as safe spaces where people can build relationships, learn to express needs, explore their bodies and minds, learn about shame, and allow fears to exist without fighting, running, or freezing. Fighting, running, or freezing are also responses to trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and it is no mystery to practitioners in the community that BDSM can be used to help people work through PTSD. 

            Sensation play and sensory deprivation are huge components of BDSM. Some examples of tools that can be used for sensation play are crops, floggers, whips, clothespins, paddles, and neurological tools, such as the infamous Wartenburg wheel – a metal pinwheel with sharp points that spin on an axle, or the violet wand – a handheld device that administers static electricity to skin. Some examples of tools that are used for sensory deprivation are ropes, blindfolds, gags, earplugs, cages, and hoods. Sensation and sensory deprivation have functions in play, and either or both give the dominant more ability control what type of experience the submissive may have. 

MY STYLE OF DOMINANCE

One of the things I have learned in the 11 years of being a BDSM practitioner and intimacy coach is that there are many different styles of dominance. If I were to sum up my style of play I would say that I am primarily a psychological dominant who thoroughly enjoys sensory stimulation, attention to detail, playing with fear and trust, intimacy, connection, communication – and also the unspoken dance that occurs while in session.

I have always said and strongly maintain that it is not what you do but how you do it. I recently advised a novice dominant who had purchased an entire set of expensive new toys that, “Someone can have a session full of fancy equipment, but if you’re not psychologically involved it won’t matter. Impact play with nothing more than a kitchen spatula can be hot as fuck if you know how to bring your psychological a-game.”

Although I can role-play scenes that range from age-play/incest to the more “innocent” power exchange of the naughty girlfriend, there is always an underlying thread of integrity that exists while I’m playing. In session, I teach not only the physical aspects of BDSM/submission but also the importance of being present – of being in the body and consciously feeling sensations and staying deeply aware of the unfolding experience. To put it simply, I am a space holder. While BDSM can engage the creative and lighthearted aspects of the mind and body, I tend to approach my sessions with depth, intimacy, and focus. I use the space to explore breath, erotic energy, and intent to connect on a very deep level – in session.

The light side of BDSM is engaging in an experience of pure pleasure, fun, creativity, and release. It is a space where things that are considered taboo can be normalized. It is acceptance and sex-positivity. I love this part of BDSM. I think we need to play more – not less – as we age. BDSM can help us remember what it was like to be imaginative, carefree, and expressive.

Another purpose of BDSM is using it as a tool to work through issues surrounding trust, PTSD/trauma, and attachment wounds (attachment as it is defined here). To put it simply, a relationship with a dominant can help one heal. However, I would not trust any dominant to dive into the depths of the psyche. If you are looking for a healer, you had better make sure the person is well-equiped from either in-depth personal or professional experience/education. To be a survivor of trauma or abuse is not enough – it takes having studied the mind objectively, which isn’t possible unless the person has done some major internal work on BOTH intellectual and emotional fields.

So, yes, my sessions tend to be very involved, regardless of whether or not the intention is to have fun or to heal wounds. I’ve always been a very sensitive being, and I see great strength in sensitivity. The way my mind works is anything buy neurotypical. My brain does bottom-up thinking (specific to general), I think in pictures, notice all details in the environment, and have an uncanny ability to read people. So, it is only natural for me to take a very involved stance with submissives when we are in session. Being sensitive has taught me a lot about boundaries, that’s for sure, which is why I have strict communication policies for outside of session. Basically, I never engage in emotional labour for free.

My focus on substance as opposed to superficiality transfers to the type of clothes I wear for sessions, too. I’m all about CFNM (clothed female, nude male). It is not my style to be naturally preoccupied with the costume and dress-up part of BDSM. Sure, I will occasionally wear wigs and certain fetish items like stockings or boots, but I’m not a costume fetishist by heart. If you haven’t already gathered, my fetishes lie within the mind, body, and emotions, and anything else can just be a distraction. Quite frankly, dressing to be sexy for a sub couldn’t be more counterintuitive to the reason we play. Now, dressing to be comfortable for myself, well, that’s hot to me. Again, this comes down to my philosophy of the psychology mattering much more than anything else. Confidence is sexy.

Anyway, by now you should have an understanding of my innate style as a dominant. I also pride myself on being real. How can I expect you to show up honestly if I’m too scared to do so?

DENVER DOMINATRIX LIFE UPDATE

Hello all! I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted an update, so here it is!

There are going to be some changes to my availability/life starting on August 27. I am enrolled in graduate courses and have updated my calendar so you can see how this might affect you. Continue reading DENVER DOMINATRIX LIFE UPDATE

THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Submission is a gift. Submission is not something that Dommes are entitled to, and it is not something to be taken with force (unless of course there has been negotiation in regards to a role-play beforehand).

So, why is submission a gift? Continue reading THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION